Boobs....

That's right, I said the "b" word......boobs. Those round things on women's chests that come in varying sizes and styles and have the innate ability to turn grown men into, well....boobs. 

I've been on both sides of the "boob" playing field, Team Small (although in my case it was more like Team None-At-All) and Team Large. Yes, at the age of 39, I got implants. My husband and I have a page on Facebook and I wrote notes and posted them to our page throughout each step of the process. I'm very honest about myself, and there was no reason not to be honest about this.

Let me back this up by giving you some background. I was always curious about sex and bodies and that is for as long as I can remember. I've read since the age of three and by the time I was five or six I read my dad's and my uncles' Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Well, read them and dreamed of looking like the women in the centerfolds. I was always boy-crazy but that affection was almost never returned. Then I hit puberty and nothing, nadda, no need for a bra and no worries of my dad having an early stroke or heart attack !! I'm not sure who came up with bra sizing but DD is larger than a D-cup and there I was, 5 feet 8 inches of skinny and all legs with AA boobs. I guess whoever dreamed up the sizes found it funny to call the smallest boobs AA, or maybe they felt sorry for us and wanted us to feel like we had more somehow by giving us two letters. Whatever the case, the humor of it was lost on the teenage me. Whenever I liked a guy, the girls I saw him with always had boobs. I was dumped several times for girls with more "assets" and even told that.

Even though I felt cursed with my small boobs, I never hated on girls who had large ones, never sat around assuming she must be a slut. I honestly never was the type to bash other women based on their appearance, although I was often belittled over mine. During my first marriage I heard things like, "Boobs don't matter," but mine were never part of any foreplay or sex, or the time when looking at a Playboy magazine hearing him say, "If you had boobs they'd probably look like that." I just dealt with my insecurity about it by tossing on padded bras. Don't get me wrong the insecurity was my issue.

Enter the year 2008 - a divorce after years of being cheated on, starting over, forcing myself to face why I would let myself be in a situation like I was in, finding the love of my life, everything was upside-down and backwards and even though I finally had a man in my life that loved me and my "rare miniatures" that nagging insecurity was still there. So the research began.

         (This is WITH a padded bra - and you can see the insecurity on my face.)

 I knew I wanted big boobs so I decided to go where the doctors were accustomed to "installing" that size. Where I'm from the docs lean toward conservative "natural" sizes and doing what they think is best, not what you want. So why BIG ?? Look, at AA - it's not like people would look at me and go "ya know, something looks different, wait... don't tell me..." No, they'd know right away what was different, so there was no point worrying about what people might think or say. (Not that I should worry about that anyway since it's my life.) Factor in my height and how broad my shoulders are plus the fact that I've got a J-Lo booty following behind me and big is what it was gonna take to look balanced. An hourglass is what I wanted. No huge gap in the middle, some curve hanging over my sides, good projection - that's what I wanted. I didn't want to look at the boobs when the swelling had gone down and they were settling into place and think "I wish I'd gone bigger..." I'd hate to think I spent a lot of money to still not be happy. Look, I'm a country girl - that ain't gonna change. I'm pretty darn good at speaking my mind and I freakin' love to laugh and that includes at myself. I'm kinda like a Dolly Parton trapped in a Kate Hudson body. No offense to Kate, she's gorgeous but I wanted boobs !!! (Side note: Kate Hudson has since gotten a boob job, and she spent the same amount to get small implants that she would have spent for larger ones !!) That said though, no I did not pick Dolly size, think Pam Anderson...

I will say though, that this is not something you should do because a significant other in your life wants you to have bigger boobs. It's not something you should do because you have NO confidence in yourself and you think cosmetic surgery will fix it. Like I said, I had to gain enough confidence in myself to have the nerve to do this. I know I'm not the ugly duckling I always felt like in school. I know I have a certain skill set that makes me desirable. "Why get them at all?" I wanted to make the outside match the way I felt inside. I couldn't even fill out a size small triangle bikini top without the cups wrinkling. I love the beach and the water, but when you cover up constantly from embarrassment it puts a damper on things, especially when you look around and see girls that are 12 with more womanly shapes than yours. They weren't sagging - gravity had nothing to swing from for 39 years, so it's not like I needed a lift or to fill some void from nursing cause after nursing they simply shrunk down even smaller than before!!! No medical reason like lop-sided girls or a really dramatic difference in their sizes, I just wanted them. I honestly felt pretty sexy naked even with my "rare miniatures" - but when the clothes went on I felt like I needed the padded bras to look "right" in my clothes. The boobies were for me. 

That doesn't mean it was an easy decision. It's surgery, elective surgery, you're deciding to have this done to yourself, and if anything goes wrong, it was your decision. There are always risks to any surgery and if you've ever had a surgery, you know that anesthesia adds to the risks. That was the scariest aspect for me,especially since I'm a mom. 

I also had to break my habit of constantly worrying about what others may think. Believe me that's a tough one to overcome. I thought up every possible scenario..... 

( Insert possible stupid question here... ) 

"What kind of message are you sending to your son?" You know what, no one has been STUPID enough to ask me that, but I'll give you my answer anyway... 

I have raised an intelligent, sensitive young man and I did it in an environment where I was made to feel like I was less than everything that I am, an environment in which I settled for whatever happiness I could manage to find. But I got out of that environment and now my biggest struggle is teaching him that he is responsible for making decisions that will make him happy in his life. Teaching him that he can change things around him and in him that will make his life what he wants it to be. I know my son will not make decisions about people based solely on their looks because that's how I'm raising him. If that is truly a question that you feel you need to ask me then I think you need to look at the things on which you base your evaluations of people. I had implants put in, I did not have brain cells removed !!

Like I've said and, I hope, shown, I'm very honest. I'm also very sexual, I don't try to hide it, but I don't really advertise it either. Don't let the thoughts run too wild, I'm strictly heterosexual and I don't swing. These boobs help me look physically the way I feel - I'm sure some will call it a "porn" look - whatever. I'm a very happy girl now concerning my boobs. Without the huge rack, I was able to fly under the radar - most people looked at me as some sweet innocent thing. Now I've got tattoos and a big 'ol boobies and I'm sure some people will assume different things about me. But that just goes back to dealing with my issues of caring too much about what other people think. I'm still me after all, I'm just not going to be afraid to really be me or to let people see the real me, and believe it or not the tattoos and big boobs help me to that end.

Unfortunately for a lot of women, it's difficult to do everything we do in a day - mom, housekeeper, whatever profession we're in, chauffeur, cook, life management counselor, daughter, sister, and hundreds of other titles - and be able to look at ourselves as sexual creatures. Most of us get lost in a few roles of our choice and the other multitudes of amazing things that we are capable of being get lost in the daily shuffle. As women we should be more open and able to talk about things like our boobs, as well as all the other things that make us inherently women. I don't have time or the patience for cattiness and competitiveness with other women based on looks. A tit is a tit - it doesn't make or break the woman. Hell, we can feed our kids with 'em for crying out loud, but many of us still avoid discussions about body issues, including breast cancer & self exams based on some weird taboo or sense of security (or insecurity)?

Everything else aside, and as someone who's been on both sides of the fence when it comes to boobs, when it comes to men here's the bottom line.....

I know I'm not the only one who has encountered this type of woman so I'm just gonna go ahead and get this "off my chest" so to speak. I'm talking about those gals with the big boobs that have wrapped their entire world and sense of self-worth around their boobs. Let me let you gals in on a little secret - one that I know because I have always had more close male friends that I talk with than females - there's no such thing as a bad tit to a guy. 

Little, big, perky, droopy, even, lop-sided, a tit is a tit... 

If he can see 'em and touch 'em he's happy with 'em...

Willingness to show nips cancels out any physical defect... 

Men love tits and ALL women have some version of tits... 


I'd bet even gay guys wish they had tits, even if it's just to accessorize them. Sure big boobies are gonna turn a guy's head but you damn well better have more than that if you want to keep him. Let's face it, boobs have limited functionality and big tits or not, a guy doesn't want a bitch or a psycho. My guy wanted me even with little tits, and believe me he enjoyed the hell out of them !!! He loves the new tits too - because he sees how happy and how much more confident they make me - and maybe a little because he can't even fit his hand around around one !!! So gals get over yourselves, it's a level playing field in this wonderful age of science and technology. If you really can't stand that then feel free to go get even bigger boobs, but in the words of Ron White "you can't fix stupid." Bottom line, be the best you that you can be, cause the physical will only get you so far in life, honey. Different guys like different things, but when a guy really is happy where he is, I promise you it's what's in the woman's heart that's keeping him there.

Whether you like 'em or not, approve or not, I love my beautiful crazy.....boobs...